An ungraceful beginning

I wanted to start this off by writing something clever and funny, something that would draw you in and will you to keep reading. But I'm too tired for pretty words and witty remarks. I'm too exhausted to think up elequent ways to spill my deepest thoughts. I would love to believe that a good night's rest would rid me of this feeling, but alas I know this will hardly make a difference. It isn't a good nights rest that can cure this dragging, lagging, one-step-behind sort of feeling. If not sleep then what you ask? It's the rest that only the Father can provide. It's the renewing of hearts and spirits. But you already knew that, didn't you? So did I. And why then do I not go running to His feet daily, resting in His love and mercy? Because even though I know He loves me, sometimes I just don't believe it. How dare I utter such a thing. "And you call yourself a Christian?" That's what you're thinking, isn't it? Me too. And that brings on the reason further that keeps me from the foot of the cross. Shame. Shame that I feel for doubting his love. It's not him I doubt, it's me. Why would a God so big and great, with daughters much more deserving of love than I, choose me? Love me? Want me? Even though I know his promises are true and his love for me is real I often feel too unworthy to accept it. Now here I am trying to dust myself off and clean myself up to be worthy enough to enter his presence, to accept his love. Talk about setting impossible goals. Maybe you've never been here before, never felt this fear that you would bring yourself to Him and find him not wanting. But, if you are like me; stuck in between this awestruck of glory and fear of rejection, then may we both humble ourselves and take our fearful hearts to the one who won't relent, who never gives up, who takes us in our shameful messy state and loves us just the same.

I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.
- Psalm 120:1

Oh yeah, and an explanation of the blog title is coming soon. :)