More than a title.

While the wind screams at my windows and tempts the house to topple over I will try my best to explain this blog's name. Let me start with the second half. Novation. At first I really just liked the sound of it. But then I looked up what it meant and well, it just sort of fit.
Novation: The substitution of a new contract for an old one.
The definition continues on with "In the case of a novation, the original debtor is totally released from the obligation, which is transferred to someone else." This is the story of redemption wrapped up in a neat little official-sounding sentance. This It is the story of creation. Our story. We couldn't handle our obligation of tending to the garden, we failed through sin, and God redeemed us. We didn't have what it took so he took it all. Is novation also another word for love? I'd like to think so. And so this blog is yet another example of how one human could not handle her obligations (me) so someone revised the contract and took the responsibility that was for too much for her to carry (Jesus).
Render: To yield; to return; to give again.
This is my render, the giving back of a life that I only seem to make a mess of. It's humbling the way God can teach us with such simple things as two little words. When I decided to start this blog I didn't have some complex plan in mind, I am far too simple for those sort of thoughts. I just wanted to write, I felt the Spirit leading me to do so. And this was the first lesson He taught me. That He can teach me however comlex or simply He chooses. Even through a blog title. This is my Rendered Novation. My returning of a life that I cannot handle alone. The giving up and the laying down. Maybe along the way you will see my mistakes, flaws, and lessons and God will teach you through it, too.

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life
1 Timothy 1:16

An ungraceful beginning

I wanted to start this off by writing something clever and funny, something that would draw you in and will you to keep reading. But I'm too tired for pretty words and witty remarks. I'm too exhausted to think up elequent ways to spill my deepest thoughts. I would love to believe that a good night's rest would rid me of this feeling, but alas I know this will hardly make a difference. It isn't a good nights rest that can cure this dragging, lagging, one-step-behind sort of feeling. If not sleep then what you ask? It's the rest that only the Father can provide. It's the renewing of hearts and spirits. But you already knew that, didn't you? So did I. And why then do I not go running to His feet daily, resting in His love and mercy? Because even though I know He loves me, sometimes I just don't believe it. How dare I utter such a thing. "And you call yourself a Christian?" That's what you're thinking, isn't it? Me too. And that brings on the reason further that keeps me from the foot of the cross. Shame. Shame that I feel for doubting his love. It's not him I doubt, it's me. Why would a God so big and great, with daughters much more deserving of love than I, choose me? Love me? Want me? Even though I know his promises are true and his love for me is real I often feel too unworthy to accept it. Now here I am trying to dust myself off and clean myself up to be worthy enough to enter his presence, to accept his love. Talk about setting impossible goals. Maybe you've never been here before, never felt this fear that you would bring yourself to Him and find him not wanting. But, if you are like me; stuck in between this awestruck of glory and fear of rejection, then may we both humble ourselves and take our fearful hearts to the one who won't relent, who never gives up, who takes us in our shameful messy state and loves us just the same.

I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.
- Psalm 120:1

Oh yeah, and an explanation of the blog title is coming soon. :)