Save me from myself

When bad things happen and just keep happening. When good things are lost and can't ever seem to be found. When you are so overwhelmed you can't seem to find air. When the life that's grown up around you is ripped from the roots and left dead in the past. It's in those times of desperation that we plead with God. We reason with Him. We try to make bargains to get what we want. "If you could just do this one thing for me then I promise I'll change, I'll love you more, I'll pray more, I'll read my bible everyday." Sound familiar? But when we pray and plead and ask and seek and cry out for help and don't get what we want, then what? We get angry, bitter, and prideful. How could God not answer my prayers? I thought He loved me. How could God do this to me? The bible says "Seek and you shall find, ask and it will be given." So why didn't I get what I asked for? We start to question God's love for us, His promises, His truth. We get bitter towards Him for allowing this suffering. I am the guiltiest of these. I can remember being six and seven years old and laying awake at night asking God "Why do you let this happen to me, what did I do so wrong?" That question has been rooted into the being of all that I am through all of these years. Up until last fall when my family fell apart and I started seeing everyone around me asking the same thing, only then did I even fully recognize it for what it was. One day it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why? Who am I to ask the God of creation, the King over everything, the maker of life, why?!? I can do nothing good without Him and I have the gull to ask Him why He didn't answer my last pleading request in the manner and time frame that I wanted. Huh?!? If we believe in Jesus, if we trust that God is who He says He is then we have to believe all of Him, not just that parts that fit us, and not just on our time. He promises to satisfy all our desires with only good things, how often in our times of mourning and desperation do we truly believe that? How often are we thanking God in those times? How often do we have joy and peace in those times? I think for most of us the answer isn't the right one. I continually have to thank the Lord that he exposed this sinful nature in me and daily repent of it. How good is He to open my eyes to this, to break my pride, to set me free. Recognizing our sin is the only way to rid it from us. May we find ourselves asking God "Why did you create me so healthly, why don't I have to suffer with this ailment or that hardship?" Because this question makes much more sense. Who are we to be deserving two hands and legs that work or two eyes that see when so many cannot? I certainly did nothing good to deserve such a blessing as a healthy functioning body. I pray that we thank God for the things He does give us, that we pray for Him to show us how we are to use those gifts and bless others with them. We can spend all of our energy and time asking God why me and live in self pity or we can pick up our broken selves, bring them to the foot of the cross, and ask God to use what He has gifted us with. Don't blame God for the hardships and trials, thank Him for the very breath He gave you to breathe through them.